the text message chronicles
by songs
Summary: Operation: Protect Katara's Honor is underway. Crack; — ო zutara.


**title: **the text message chronicles

**pairing: **guess. i dare you.

**summary:** Operation: Protect Katara's Honor is underway. Text messages galore. Crack.

**disclaimer:** i own nothing!

**notes: **inspired by ohwhatsherface's text message fic: _what i go to school for. _

**notes2:** Toph is blind, and thus does not text. So she relays her messages via Aang, her bestie.

* * *

_xx THE TEXT MESSAGING CHRONICLES xx_

**From: **songs.

**To: **you.

* * *

**11:07 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To: **HonorIsPower200

CODE RED.

ZUKO, THIS IS CODE RED.

NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, NOT A DRILL!

PS. I will ALWAYS judge you for your lame-o username. Bahaha.

…

…

…

**11:09 AM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To: **BoomerangBoy450

...What the hell, Sokka?

PS. There's nothing wrong with my username. Go die.

…

…

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**11:11 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

Mhm. Be a jerk, sass me, see if I care.

ONLY I DO. Because this is an EMERGENCY.

…

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**11:11 AM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To: **BoomerangBoy450

What do you mean 'emergency'?

Is everything okay? Is Katara okay?

…

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**11:13AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

NO SHE IS NOT.

Zukes, ya big jerk, she was on the phone with a BOY this morning.

A boy that was not:

A) Aang

B) You

C) Me

(obviously, because I was in the house because I am her brother and all that jazz but SHE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A BOY.)

…

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**11:15AM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To: **BoomerangBoy450

First off, NEVER call me Zukes. EVER. I will kill you.

And this was seriously code red?

How did you know she was talking to a guy?

Maybe it was like, Suki or something.

…

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**11:18 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

As her Older Brother,

I have the right to listen in on her phone conversations If Deemed Necessary.

(and do not doubt code red. Ever.)

Innocent, pure, young Katara was chatting it up with JET!

THE. JET.

…

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**11:21 AM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To: **BoomerangBoy450

You don't mean...

…

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**11:23 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

Jet. The senior.

Mr. Failing half his classes.

Mr. Dated 4/5 of the girls at our school.

Mr. Even-Kissed-YOUR-Sister-Once-At-In-A-Closet-At-A-P arty.

MISTER MAN-SKANK OF THE CENTURY.

…

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**11:23 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

And he's talking to MY BABY SISTER.

On the house phone. That I happen to use.

That will forever be stained with his WHOREHOOD.

…

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**11:26 AM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To**: BoomerangBoy450

He even got _Azula_?

...That's rough, buddy.

…

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**11:29 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

Yeah, listen. The whole point of informing you of Code Red...

Er, Zukes, I dunno how to say this, but...

I NEED your help!

…

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**11:34 AM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To**: BoomerangBoy450

What do you mean... 'help'?

PS. What did I tell you about Zukes?!

…

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**11:37 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

I wouldn't be able to carry out **Operation: Protect Katara's Honor!** without you. :(

…

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**11:38 AM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To**: BoomerangBoy450

I guess...I mean...her _honor._

…

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**11:41 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To:** HonorIsPower200

I knew you'd understand, pal!

I ALSO happen to know that you've been in LURV

with her since we were in kindergarten.

And b/c you're like, mi amigo and shiznit, I'm marginally okay with it.

…

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**11:41 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To:** HonorIsPower200

Like. You'd have to marry her first, of course.

And then wait a few years so you guys can hold hands.

You're about a billion times better than Jet though.

He'd definitely initiate premarital hand-holding.

…

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**11:42 AM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To**: BoomerangBoy450

...You don't know that!

Katara is my FRIEND.

Like Toph, like Aang, like you, like Suki, like Haru—

Er, probably not Haru.

But you get the picture!

…

…

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**11:44 AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

NO TIME FOR DENIAL, BUCKO.

I need you to...

(drumroll)

**SEDUCE MY SISTER.**

…

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…

**11:48AM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To**: HonorIsPower200

(whilst still preserving her honor).

You can regain consciousness any time now, Zukes.

* * *

**xxx**

* * *

**1:57 PM**

**From:** HonorIsPower200

**To**: PaintedLady783

Hey Katara.

…

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**2:02 PM**

**From:** PaintedLady783

**To:** HonorIsPower200

Hi!

What's up, Zuko?

…

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**2:05 PM**

**From:** HonorIsPower200

**To**: PaintedLady783

Not much.

Uh, so...how's the honor?

…

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**2:07 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To: **HonorIsPower200

...What?

…

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**2:08 PM **

**From: **HonorIsPowe200

**To: **PaintedLady783

NOTHING! I mean, uh.

Nice weather today.

…

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**2:11 PM **

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To: **HonorIsPower200

Are you okay, Zuko?

…

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**2:13 PM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To: **PaintedLady783

Oh, yeah. Everything's...dandy.

Hold on, one sec.

Gotta make tea. For, uh, the animal.

Cat. Yup.

…

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**2:15 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To: **HonorIsPower200

...Sure thing.

* * *

**XXX  
**

* * *

**2:27 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To: **FanGurl800

I THINK IT'S WORKING.

…

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**2:30 PM**

**From: **FanGurl800

**To: **PaintedLady783

TEAM SUKI AND KATARA FOR THE WIN!

Muahahahahaha.

* * *

**XXX**

* * *

**2:40 PM**

**From: **SpiritualGangster345

**To: **BoomerangBoy424

Yo, yo, yo. Wassup, my nizzle?

Aang here, relayin' the message of my b, Toph:

Hella goo' luck on: **Operation: Protect Katara's Honor.**

…

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**2:42 PM**

**From: **SpiritualGangster345

**To: **BoomerangBoy424

Here's her wordz, verbatim and shiz':

"You are a dumbass, Sokka. A total dumbass.

I don't even know why I put up with you."

…

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**2:45 PM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy424

**To: **SpiritualGangster345

To Aang: Thanks man. Although you really need to lay off the whole... you know.

To Toph: I know you love me, woman. We'll have a double wedding, with Zutara.

* * *

**XXX  
**

* * *

**2:46 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To: **FreedomFighter65

Thanks again for the call this morning, Jet!

Sokka flipped shit. And called Zuko.

I think it's gonna work.

…

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**2:49 PM**

**From: **FreedomFighter65

**To: **PaintedLady783

No prob. Anything for my ex, but still gorgeous, make-out partner.

…

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**2:50 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To: **FreedomFighter65

...We've never made out, Jet.

…

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**2:51 PM**

**From: **FreedomFighter65

**To: **PaintedLady783

There's still time ;)

…

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**2:52 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To: **FreedomFighter65

Uh. No?

…

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**2:53 PM**

**From: **FreedomFigter65

**To:**PaintedLady783

I love it when u talk dirty. ;)

…

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**2:54 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To:**FreedomFighter65

I'm gonna give Azula your number.

…

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**2:55 PM**

**From: **FreedomFighter65

**To: **PaintedLady783

Good day, madame, and good luck with claiming your turtleduck.

…

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**2:56 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To:** FreedomFighter65

:)

* * *

**XXX**

* * *

**3:01 PM**

**From: **FanGurl800

**To: **HonorIsPower200

SEDUCE HER ALREADY, YOU DOUCHE.

IT'S ONLY BEEN 15 YEARS.

…

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**3:03 PM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To: **FanGurl800

Suki, what the hell?

Did Sokka tell you?

Why. Do. You. Know. This.

…

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**3:04 PM**

**From: **FanGurl800

**To: **HonorIsPower200

JUST MAN UP, VIRGIN.

* * *

**XXX**

* * *

**3:06 PM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To: **PaintedLady783

Lovetara.

…

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**3:07 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To:**HonorIsPower200

Huh?

…

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**3:08 PM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To:** PaintedLady783

Fuck. I mean, Katara.

I, uh, doyoulikeJet.

…

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**3:09 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To: **HonorIsPower200

Um... I... why do you ask?

…

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**3:11 PM**

**From: **HonorIsPower200

**To: **PaintedLady783

Because I lo—I mean. Ugh.

Fuck.

Just, can you come outside?

…

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**3:13 PM**

**From: **PaintedLady783

**To:** HonorIsPower200

Are you here? Sure, just hold on a minute—

adsjfkldjgklfjdgklhfhg;hhng;lh

**(Message Not Sent)**

* * *

**XXX**

* * *

**4:08 PM**

**From: **BoomerangBoy450

**To: **HonorIsPower200

STOP MAKING OUT WITH MY SISTER.

THAT WAS NOT PART OF

**OPERATION: PROTECT KATARA'S HONOR.**

NOT AT ALL.

* * *

_fin._


End file.
